Different this time around...

I'm not quite sure if anyone can tell from my brief updates, but this pregnancy is so different than when I had Aidan. I'm not sure if it's because this is shore duty and I'm not stressing over my husband making it back in time. Or maybe it's the lack of testosterone I have in my body. Maybe it's because I know this is our last child. Or perhaps it's different because we've waited so long and tried so hard for this baby. Whatever the reason, I'm loving every minute of this pregnancy. At the risk of inducing some serious eye-rolling from anyone reading, I really am blissfully happy.

It's not that I wasn't happy when I was pregnant with Aidan, I know that I was looking forward to having him. But I think most of it was stress. Being pregnant and going to all the doctor's appointments and ultrasounds alone wasn't what I pictured my first pregnancy to be like. I knew my husband would be gone at some point, but when we decided to try for a baby, we really didn't think we would get pregnant so quick. Not to mention I didn't think he'd be gone for so much of my pregnancy. On top of that, I had pregnancy induced hypertension so I had to pay attention to my blood pressure while my doctors kept a close eye on Aidan's growth and development with frequent ultrasounds. I didn't mind too much because it meant I got to see him more often, even if it was on a black and white screen. I also spotted through most of my pregnancy. Every episode would induce gut wrenching panic, and the first few times it happened I rushed to the ER to make sure my baby was still OK. In the third trimester, that finally stopped, but I found out I had gestational diabetes. I was put on a strict diet and forced to check and record my blood sugar four times per day. And lastly, my husband went out on deployment at the start of my third trimester and wasn't due to come home until my 38 week point. When I started dilating at 36 weeks, there was no trying to relax...I was in a panic worrying I'd be giving birth to my first child half a world away from my family, with my husband MIA. Looking back, it was pretty much just one thing after another, after another.

Besides the stress, I think Aidan's pregnancy was also different because I had no idea what to expect. I knew I was having a baby, and I would love him. But I had no clue how much I would end up loving him. And granted, I was excited, but I didn't have anything specific to look forward to because I'd never been a mom before. Now, it's different. I already love Abby as much as I love Aidan, even though I haven't met her yet. I look forward to the little things that I enjoyed so much with Aidan. The first few days, when they're so tiny, you finally get to experience the things you wondered about for 9 months...the shape of their nose, whether or not they have hair, their tiny baby feet actually being small enough to fit into the socks you thought were impossibly small, and how their crying sounds more like a squeak than anything else. I miss the little yawns and the smiles you only catch when they're sleeping. And I look forward to experiencing the excitement of all the firsts...first smile, first giggle, first steps, and first word. I already know how it felt when we experienced it with Aidan, it makes me even more excited to know I get to do it all over again.

Not only do I already know all of the amazing things I have to look forward to, but this pregnancy has been so easy. Virtually no nausea, no reason to stress, only one episode of spotting that resolved on it's own, and everything with Abby is looking healthy. I have the usual discomforts, like braxton hicks and daily headaches. But even those minor pains can't bring me down, I'm still happy.....really happy and extremely thankful. I absolutely can't wait to meet our little Abigail :)