It's Official...

I am out this month. For the fourth day in a row, my BBT has dropped. For those who are not BBT savvy, BBT (basal body temperature) is when you take your temperature with a special thermometer (reads out two decimal places instead of just one for a more accurate reading) first thing in the morning at the same time every morning. So for the last 30-ish days (I didn't make the decision to do it until after my cycle started), I've been waking up with Casey's alarm, taking my temperature, and then plotting those temps on a chart.

Ideally, through the first part of your cycle, your temp stays low (for me it was in the 96.7-ish range), dips slightly the day of ovulation, and then spikes way up the day after. On the second part of your cycle (the luteal phase after ovulation), your temperature stays high (for me it was in the 97.8 range). This two part cycle is a biphasic chart, and can help you pin point when ovulation happens. Because it only confirms ovulation after it's already happen, I was pairing this method with other things like tracking my CM (cervical mucus) and using OPKs (ovulation predictor kits).

Here is what my chart looks like for this month:

You can see the biphasic part I'm talking about. Not entirely sure why I had two really high readings in the first part of my cycle, but aside from those readings, that's what a biphasic chart looks like.

Now that you know the basics and have seen the chart, the reason I am out is because on a normal biphasic chart, your temperature will start to decline about 5-6 days out from AF showing up. If you are pregnant, they stay nice and high. Today I had my lowest reading yet (97.66) and I'm now convinced AF is lurking. It's OK though, I don't consider this month a total bust. We finally found a formula that works for me. And now that I'm more comfortable charting BBT, CM and using OPKs, we'll have a much better chance at getting our little rainbow baby.

Finally, good news!!!!

Yesterday I went for my blood draw to see if I had ovulated like I thought I did. While there, the nurse was explaining to me that my levels should be around 10, that if they came back at like 12, then it would be great, but if they came back at 3, it would not be good. She promised to call me as soon as she got the results in.

So, I get back from taking Aidan to the doctor and going grocery shopping, and I see the message light blinking. I got excited thinking it was probably the nurse calling me back with results...and then got super nervous because I knew if she told me a low number I'd be ridiculously upset. So I played the message, and it turns out my progesterone levels came back at 13.3! Words can't describe how happy I am! This month was FINALLY a success!!!! I mean I know it doesn't mean I'm pregnant, but at least we had a normal chance, which is more than I can say for the past few months.

Now, I wait. Dr. Mixson will most likely call me later today or tomorrow and explain a little more about what the number 13 means. If it turns out I'm not pregnant, I won't be too bummed. At least now we have a formula that seems to work, and I will continue to chart my temps and keep track of all the things I've been keeping track of so that I know for sure when the best time to BD is. We've got Disney coming up next month, and I know I'd probably have more fun if I wasn't in my first trimester and battling morning sickness. It would also mean that there's a chance we might not be able to make our trip to Louisiana for Christmas, since I'd be about 38 weeks at that point. So, like I said, if AF shows up around my birthday, it might be for the better.

BUT, I certainly will not be disappointed if I do end up pregnant! Starting tomorrow I will be taking test after test (I have a pack of 50 so no worries)...there's no way I'm going to be able to wait until my birthday to take my first test, I just don't have that kind of will power. So fingers crossed, I might be seeing two lines in the near future. And even if I don't, I still consider this month a huge success!

High Hopes...

WARNING: The contents of this particular post contain some serious TMI info. If you have a penis or are easily grossed out, you should probably skip to the last paragraph. You have been warned!

So today is CD 19. This whole cycle I've been keeping track of my BBT (basal body temperature, and yes that's different from the normal 98.6 degrees you usually run while awake), my CM (cervical mucus...see? told you, TMI!), cervix texture and position, and using OPK tests (ovulation predictor kits....basically a little strip you pee on which will tell you when you are about to ovulate). And up until yesterday all of this monitoring was not looking promising. On Monday, my OPK was so faint, I had just about given up for the month. I let Tuesday go by without doing anything but taking my BBT in the morning.

Well yesterday, I was laying in bed trying to get rid of the last of my ridiculously long lasting headache, and I noticed I was feeling pain in my right side. I had been kind of crampy Tuesday and Wednesday, but my body is so effed up, I ignored it. I thought, well maybe I AM ovulating late (clomid can delay ovulation). I wondered if the batch of ovulation test strips I bought were just junk. I remembered that I had an Answer brand ovulation kit still under the sink. So I got up, peed in a cup, and used both the Answer brand test and the regular strips I had been using to see if there was a difference in the two. The end result was this:

It looked good! Last month, when I didn't ovulate at all, all month long I had these consistent two lines that never really varied much from each other. But this was seriously different that my past experiences using OPKs. So I hopped in the shower and checked my CM and cervix position. Low and behold, the CM was slightly stretchy and my cervix was high and slightly open. I felt a small spark of hope start up in the back of my mind. Maybe I'm not out this month after all?

Well, today, I did an OPK test in the morning at 11:30 to see if there was a change. I wasn't expecting one, but this is what I saw:

NOW I know what an obviously positive OPK looks like. For the first time ever, I was able to look at the test and know without a doubt, it was positive. I've never had a test line (the left line) look so dark. And in person both lines were darker than the control line on both tests. For the first time in a long time I am actually hopeful that the clomid/metformin combo worked. I won't be sure until I see a spike in my BBT, but that doesn't happen until after ovulation, so I shouldn't see that until tomorrow or Saturday.

I know these aren't usually the kind of pink lines that women get all emotional over. But this entire TTC journey has been an emotional roller coaster for me: getting my hopes way high, only to have reality crashing down on me. And even if you don't understand it, just look at it this way: My body hasn't released an egg since I got pregnant in September. Which means that up until now, we've realistically had zero chance of even conceiving another child. For me, knowing that and having to deal with it...you can't help but be depressed and disheartened by it.

But this...this is what I've been waiting for, to know that we have a real chance at having another baby. And I know it's not the two pink lines I've been dreaming of, but it's definitely the first step in getting there.

Nothing new at all

So April is here....no idea where March has gone! Although I've been super busy in the last month, there's nothing new to report. I started back on metformin a couple of weeks ago, but I'm not sure if it's done anything for me. Our third round of clomid was just finished last week, so we're playing the wait and see game. I've been REALLY good about charting my BBT, so hopefully that gives me some kind of clue. I'll go in for a blood draw on Friday and should know the results by Monday evening, but I'm not even sweating it. I told Casey yesterday, I feel like I'm almost just giving up. He doesn't see it like that...he sees it more like taking a step back. Either way is fine with me. I'm just tired of stressing it.

Aidan has been amazing in the last month. His speech has exploded and he continues to amaze me each day with new funny sayings or questions. He's definitely not a baby anymore! We're prepping him for our trip to Disney next month, so every time we go out he says, "I want to go to Disney!". It's really cute. I know he enjoyed it last year, but to see how much he's grown, I really think it's going to blow his mind this time around.

Speaking of Disney, I am giddy just thinking about it. I'm more excited about going to Disney than I am about my own birthday at the end of the month. I don't normally feel this way, but I can't wait until April is over! Also happening in the near future are some outdoor projects. I love our house, but there's so much work that needs to be done outside. I want to be as proud of the outside as I am of the inside. Now we'll finally have the time to get it all done (I love shore duty).

So there it is. Nothing much going on now, but a couple of great things planned for this month and next!