If I see another pregnancy post I think I might hit something. Usually I'm pretty good at smothering the melancholy feelings when I read one, but today I think I'm just too tired to take control of my emotions. Don't get me wrong, I'm very happy for everyone who is expecting...there are a handful of women who have tried for so long and they really deserve this kind of happiness, really and truly. But the honest to God truth is I'm not 100% healed from our loss. I still think about what I'd be doing right now, getting ready to find out boy or girl, planning a nursery and visits from parents, going to doctor's appointments...I'm not sure I'll ever be totally fine with everything that happened. And so it's usually a tough pill to swallow when I read certain things or see sonogram pics posted. Today it's just especially bad.
I feel like I'm at standstill. I'm not pregnant, but I want so badly to be, and yet I still can't bring myself to actively TTC....I actually think I'm dreading having to start the process all over again. I know it'll all happen when it supposed to, I just feel drained just by thinking about it. I hope, with the start of the new year, I'll feel like I can start fresh and I'll have a more positive outlook on the whole TTC idea.
I'm so with you Justine. Waiting on blood tests to come back has been a great excuse to not TTC.... now that everything is coming back okay, I know its about time to start trying again.... I just dont want to get sucked back into that crazy mind set...but I want to be pregnant. It's a catch 22. ::hugs... I know how hard it is to see posts and ultrasound pictures... I hope it gets easier for you every day.
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean :( I have 100% of the pregnant women hidden on my Facebook feed so I don't have to see their ultrasounds and "IT'S A __" posts.
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