So exciting!

So Chris and Val's baby will be here sometime today!  She was admitted 2 days ago with pre-eclampsia, and they decided to induce labor since she can't keep her blood pressure down.  It's not the way we thought this would happen, but it's for the best.  Either way,  I'm so excited, I'm going to be an aunt!  That's so much more different than being a mommy....I can spoil someone else's baby completely rotten, and not have to worry about the aftermath!  I just really can't wait to see what he looks like.  And I'm thrilled Aidan will have a cousin.  The only downside (if I can even call it a downside), is that holding a little tiny baby will really take a toll on my baby fever.  So hopefully, all will go well today and both baby and mommy will stay in good health.  Can't wait until tonight!!

Deployment so far...

Not much going on since I left Georgia.  School has been my main focus.  I don't know why this is so hard for me, but getting my school work done here at my mom's is hard.  I have a paper due Tuesday and it's taking FOREVER for me to complete.  Add to that my professor is an asshole, and I'm just done.  He's refused to give me the proper amount of credit for 2 different assignments already, and he's very difficult.  Might just be me, but going to school online is hard enough.  You don't need to be a dick, it's really not conducive to the learning environment.  I'm waiting on a phone call from my guidance counselor right now so I can find out how to go about filing a grievance.  It really pisses me off that I've worked so hard up until now, and I'm being shorted on my grade because my teacher feels like being a jerk.  It pains me to say this, but I think I'll be waving bye bye to my 4.0 GPA.  I never really cared about school before, but for some reason, this time around, it matters to me. 

Anyway, so now after the latest bout of drama (he attempted to give me zero credit for an assignment submitted on time because I mistakenly uploaded my assignment in a .pages format instead of a .doc format...my bad for having a Mac and not being an infallible human being), I just have anxiety about writing this stupid paper.  I'm stressing because I know he's such a hard ass, and I'm terrified he's really going to tear me apart on this paper which is worth 30% of my grade.  Ugh, now suddenly I wish I didn't care so much about school this time around.  ::sigh:: Just the ramifications of being a grown up, I suppose.

On a random side note, I have yet to cry myself to sleep since my other half has been gone.  I miss him so much, but at least I've had phone contact the last couple of days.  It hasn't yet been a week since I've been away from him, but I'm hopeful that I'll at least skip the awful depression part of deployment.  We'll see how it all goes and I head home to Georgia to an empty house where everything reminds me of him...

Also, randomly, I am currently 9 days "late".  I say "late" because with my ridiculous cycle I'm not even sure I ovulated this month.  But, on the chance that I did have a normal 28-day cycle, I am 9 days late.  I've been a little emotional, but that could be because AF is lurking, or even misplaced deployment-related emotions.  Who even knows at this point.  All I know is, I have 1 HPT left, I'm saving it for later this week.  If it comes back negative, then I guess that will be the end of the speculation.

All I know for sure is, this deployment will be a lot easier once I eliminate the added stress this class has put on me....which means I should probably stop blogging, and get back to writing my paper.... 

Leaving...

I'll be flying to NY on Thursday to get ready to help throw my sister in law a baby shower.  It sucks to be having to leave my husband.  It doubly sucks that x amount of time after I leave him, he leaves for deployment, so I'll be coming back to an empty house.  I got seriously lucky with the extra time we were given together, but it still makes saying goodbye really hard. 

I know my key to survival is going to be staying busy.  BUSY BUSY BUSY!  I have school to keep me somewhat occupied, and then there's the shower and planning for Aidan's 2nd birthday.  I'll be flying to NY and back twice in this deployment alone, so that should help pass the time.  I just know the nights are going to lag, since there won't be anyone to watch food network and share the bed with.  But my biggest thing is hoping Aidan doesn't notice.  His daddy is is favorite and he greets him every day with a huge hug.  I'm just praying that he stays oblivious to the amount of time daddy isn't home....like he'll think it's a really long work day or something.

I can only hope that this deployment flies by as fast as the time went that I had him here with me.  I have the feeling it won't.  I'm hoping I avoid the depression part of this whole process, since I'll be surrounded by family.  I just need to keep super busy,  and just keep repeating to myself: "last one before shore duty, last one...".  Maybe it won't be so bad....

Frustrated

For reasons I can't fully disclose, I am annoyed.  Part of the annoyance stems from the fact that I can't even voice my frustrations out loud.  It's true when they say bottling it up just makes it worse.  Ugh, I really just don't get how I'm supposed to keep doing this over and over again.  They really need to invent some kind of pill that dulls the hurt of being a military spouse.  This shit is really fucking hard, and sometimes I wish all the crap and the bullshit military spouses put up with was at least acknowledged properly.  Because for some reason, a big thumbs from the command isn't cutting for me.

Terrible Twos

Seriously, it's days like today that make me NOT want anymore kids.  Aidan has been on the warpath.  Tantrums, going into drawers he's not supposed to go into, not eating, screaming, throwing toys around...I'm seriously at my wits end with it.  I don't want to spank, or use it as a first resort.  But the time outs aren't working with him, he still goes back to doing what he was doing before.  To make matters worse, if we do spank him, he does it all over again anyway.  So I end up feeling guilty about the spanking and frustrated that nothing seems to be working. 

I know he could be SO much worse....I've seen kids his age that are absolute terrors.  But I really just want my sweet little boy back.  This has been like an overnight change for him....family that saw him back in December aren't going to recognize him.  It's all about him trying to do what he wants to do, when he wants to do it.  And I'm not caving, which is causing serious amounts of friction.  I'm tired of yelling, I'm tired of spanking, I'm tired of butting heads with him.  I really hope he starts to out grow this phase soon, because it's wearing me out, and I feel like our relationship is deteriorating, which is severely depressing considering he's only 2....he's not supposed to hate me until he's a teenager....

I really have no idea what to do differently.