It's been a little bit since I've blogged. I have to say November zapped pretty much all of my energy. For starters, we only had one weekend (last weekend as a matter of fact) that was visitor free. This is not to say I wish we didn't have visitors, or that I was put out by all the action. I was actually very appreciative of everyone who came to see us. For one, we don't get to see friends and family enough, and two, it kept my mind off of losing the baby.
I think I'm feeling better about the whole thing. I can actually look at someone's pregnancy announcement or update and not feel like I need to cry. It still gives me a pang of sadness, but I think I've shed all the tears I had built up. It's a bit surprising because I thought it would have taken me longer, especially since I never really had the proper grieving day/days I thought the whole experience deserved. For the longest time I would think to myself, "I would have been 9 weeks today.", or "I should be getting ready to find out boy or girl." I know that these things will happen in the future, but I will always long for the baby that left us too soon.
Anyway, as for the future I'm still unsure. I don't know if I'm really ready to be pregnant again. I think if it happened tomorrow, I'd be nothing but terrified. And I don't know if I could gather up the energy -- or the hope -- to even start another TTC process. I think for now I just want to try and enjoy the holiday season with my boys.
In bigger and better news, my little man is growing up. His speech has grown by leaps and bounds compared to September. He now calls us mommy and daddy instead of mama and dada.
AND, last week we started potty training Aidan. He literally got up one day and said, "Daddy, bathroom!". Casey took him to the bathroom, and he peed in the potty, simple as that! I was prepared for a battle of wills when he turned three and I finally put my foot down and decided to potty train him. But I know I am truly blessed because the transition has been about as smooth as possible! The best thing I could have done was toss the pull-ups, because he was just using them as a diaper. Once we put him in big boy undies (that he picked out!), he peed once and learned he didn't like the feeling. That first day of wearing them, we went through about 7 pairs of undies, but by the end of the day, he was just dribbling in them and stopping himself before he peed, at which point he'd tell us. Here we are on day 8, and the only reward he gets is a car for when he poops (yes, he started pooping in the potty on day 2!!!!!) because that's a really big deal. But we don't have to remind him anymore, he comes to tell us whenever he has to go. AND, we've graduated from the potty to the toilet, which I would have never thought possible this early on.
We still have things to work on. He needs help getting his pants and undies off in time to get onto the toilet. The step we have is too small, so I have to lift him onto it. And when have about 4 false alarms a day of him thinking he has to poo, but when he gets onto the toilet he just farts lol. Also, we have to put a diaper on him when he sleeps so he doesn't wet the bed. Most days he wakes up bone dry, but he does have those occasions where he wakes up wet.
So my little man is growing up, I seriously can't believe it! Now I can enroll him in school next September (::tear::). So many changes it blows my mind. I'm kind of excited to see what 2011 is going to bring our way...
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