As if it weren't hard enough....

Well....you all know I had decided on the D&C.  I called early this morning to set it all up, but it turns out my doctor will be away until Tuesday.  He had told me that yesterday but also told me it shouldn't be a problem to have the doctor who's backing him up while he's gone to do it.  So when I called, the woman who schedules D&Cs told me since the doctor is gone, she's going to give the message to the midwife (who was pretty much handling my pregnancy) and I have to wait for her to call me back.  I was really hoping I could get this done like, tomorrow.  I'm totally kicking myself that I didn't decide on this yesterday.

And, to boot, the spotting/bleeding has come back.  So now I don't even know if I'll make it until next week for them to do it, which is crappy because I know I won't be able to relax until it's done.  We're supposed to have a Halloween party on Saturday (it's Casey's favorite holiday, he's been planning this for weeks, and canceling it won't bring my baby back, so I told him not to cancel), and I'm super worried that it'll happen that day or night.  Or tomorrow while Casey is at work, and I'm here alone with Aidan so I won't be able to take the pain meds they gave me.

The whole miscarriage thing is heartbreaking enough.  Now I have to just wait around, and that makes it so much worse.  I feel depressed, anxious, worried, and stressed all at the same time and there doesn't seem to be a fix.  I thought the hardest part would be dealing with the initial shock from the news, but this is way worse.