So we went ahead with our Halloween party last night. I was in some pain but I did the best I could. I have to admit, I was in no mood to dress up, but I wanted to make my husband happy and at least try to have a good time. So I got all dolled up in my sultry vampire dress, did my hair and makeup and did my best to chit chat with guests. Thankfully Star, Patrick and Sissy were the first people here, and being around them was an instant pick-me-up.
I ended up having a good time with my friends. Halfway through the party, Star asked to borrow some sweats because she was cold, and I happily lent her a pair then changed into a pair myself. After getting comfy I felt much better.
All in all, I thought it would be much harder to be social and try to act like my normal self, even though I'm not feeling normal. But I have an awesome support system. And even though I'm still grieving, I'm so grateful for those "normal" moments where I don't remember how sad I am.
I have an appointment with the midwife on Wednesday. I'm hoping that if we make a plan to try again, it'll make me feel better. I'm not ready to jump right back into trying, even though the doctor said we can start immediately. But I'm stressing out about how long it took us this last time, and having to be on metformin. I'm hoping that instead of the metformin, I can skip all the headaches and tummy troubles and take the clomid instead. I think knowing that we have some sort of plan will put my mind at ease and I won't feel pressured to start trying right away.
But for now, I'm happy with trying to get back on track. Every day it gets a little easier and I feel a little less depressed. I have a lot to distract myself, with school, planning an upcoming visit with my sister, and a plan to lose the weight I gained by indulging in every pregnancy craving lol. The hardest part is dealing with the pregnancy symptoms that are lingering. Hopefully those fade quickly and I can just get back to feeling like my normal self.
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